Love's got me down...

I've been thinking about relationships a lot.

I don't know why. Maybe it's just because at times it can seem like everyone around you is with someone else. It's really easy to get a bit jealous. Then again, given current circumstances I can't exactly say I was expecting to have a very large dating pool.

That doesn't change much though. It means that I did this to myself.

With the media it's easy to feel like you need to be with someone, like that perfect someone is just going to show up one day and everything will work out for the best and you'll be together forever. I'm a bit bothered that that's the way things are. There are a lot of good people in this world, but it's very rarely going to be a fairy tale ending. The majority of the time you find out that you have more differences than you thought you did, or you don't really feel as strongly about them as you first thought, or they didn't feel the way about you that you felt about them. The point is, love sucks.

Despite this, I try my best to keep from becoming a cynic. My one and only "relationship" lasted a grand total of a week, not including the year I too afraid to tell the individual that I liked them and the following year where we awkwardly beat around the bush because neither of us had ever been in the situation before, and even with that, I'm trying to stay on the positive side of things. Looking back on the whole matter, I don't think either of us were in a place to be much more than what we were, and as hard as it is to say that, it's true. At least from where I stand.

I'm learning to be content with being alone. With not worrying about another person in my life, and focusing on who I want to be. That way, I won't have to worry about it when I'm with someone else. It's difficult when you look around and wish you had someone too, when you're sitting all alone on the couch wishing there was someone there with you, but it's something that happens.

Being alone is difficult at times, but it doesn't have to be a negative. Use the time to decide who you want to be, and who you're going to be. Define yourself as an individual before trying to define yourself in a relationship.

It's a lot easier.

Well Wishing that won't offend someone...

Happy Holidays, everyone!

I hope your days are filled with love and laughter, regardless of what you'll be celebrating. If you're celebrating nothing, I at least wish you a happy break from work!

Spread some warm wishes, drink egg nog, get drunk. I don't really care. Just have fun and be safe!

Stay warm, too! Unless you're some lucky bastard who lives somewhere where it's comfortably 80 degrees right now while some of the rest of us are freezing. In which case, I want to be where you are right now.

Have a wonderful day today!

Why Isn't This At My House...?

The world needs more absurdly adorable things.

This is fact. If we looked at more cute things I'm sure we'd be filled with much less rage.

Now watch this tiny dog and be happy!

Let it Snow...

It's been snowing a lot.

Everyday a lot.

While I truly do not love the snow (strange considering I'm from Utah, skiing mecca of the states) I do love watching it fall. Especially since being in college I'm learning to appreciate the simpler things in life. one of those things is sitting on the apartment couch, in the dark, watching the snow fall outside with a cup of tea in my hands. It does help to distract from the fact that I'm going to have to trudge through it at 8:30 tomorrow morning to get to class, but more than that, it's calming and a bit reassuring.

A few posts back I talked about being yourself.

Snowflakes make me think a lot about myself. Since I was little I can remember sitting at my kitchen table cutting our paper snowflakes for various girl scout functions. One day I looked up at my mom and asked her if it was really okay that all the snowflakes looked different. She nodded and told me it was fine because there are no two snowflakes that are exactly the same.

I find myself applying this to people and the world. You look out and see all of these hundreds and hundreds of people, who all seem to look and be just like you. And once you're where you're going you seem to wash in with everyone else who still looked exactly the same as you. As you sit there in that sea of people you begin to wonder if you're ever going to amount to anything of great importance.

You can say no, float the ground, and lay there quietly while you wait for the sun to come out and melt you. Or maybe you'll be in the street and only lay there until a car comes along and melts you against the asphalt. Maybe you'll spend your life stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe where you'll wait out existence until you melt on their doormat.

But, you could be the snowflake that falls on a child's tongue and makes them smile. You could be the snowflake on a lover's eye lash. You could be the first snowflake on the top of a pine tree to catch the sun's first rays and shine your own unique prism on the world.

There are people who are going to have terrible lives, who are going to believe that their not worth anyone's time. There are going to be those who are struck with tragedy and sorrows and feel like things are never going to look up. There are people who will change people forever. There are people who will shine light on the world, change it for the better, make things better. Everyone, even those who believe that there's nothing left for them, can make those differences. A simple smile, a word of thanks is all it takes to change the world for one person.

People tell me that that's too idealistic. That the world doesn't really work that way. Why can't it? Why can't we live everyday like we're trying to make a difference, even if it's only for one person?

I want to believe that people can make differences, that they always have the capacity to make a difference. Even if it's only a small smile, a laugh, a hug when someone's having a bad day, you can change that person's day for the better. So don't be afraid to!

So, when you feel like you're washed out in the sea of people you think are just like you, remember that no two people are identical.


Go out and make your difference.