Love's got me down...

I've been thinking about relationships a lot.

I don't know why. Maybe it's just because at times it can seem like everyone around you is with someone else. It's really easy to get a bit jealous. Then again, given current circumstances I can't exactly say I was expecting to have a very large dating pool.

That doesn't change much though. It means that I did this to myself.

With the media it's easy to feel like you need to be with someone, like that perfect someone is just going to show up one day and everything will work out for the best and you'll be together forever. I'm a bit bothered that that's the way things are. There are a lot of good people in this world, but it's very rarely going to be a fairy tale ending. The majority of the time you find out that you have more differences than you thought you did, or you don't really feel as strongly about them as you first thought, or they didn't feel the way about you that you felt about them. The point is, love sucks.

Despite this, I try my best to keep from becoming a cynic. My one and only "relationship" lasted a grand total of a week, not including the year I too afraid to tell the individual that I liked them and the following year where we awkwardly beat around the bush because neither of us had ever been in the situation before, and even with that, I'm trying to stay on the positive side of things. Looking back on the whole matter, I don't think either of us were in a place to be much more than what we were, and as hard as it is to say that, it's true. At least from where I stand.

I'm learning to be content with being alone. With not worrying about another person in my life, and focusing on who I want to be. That way, I won't have to worry about it when I'm with someone else. It's difficult when you look around and wish you had someone too, when you're sitting all alone on the couch wishing there was someone there with you, but it's something that happens.

Being alone is difficult at times, but it doesn't have to be a negative. Use the time to decide who you want to be, and who you're going to be. Define yourself as an individual before trying to define yourself in a relationship.

It's a lot easier.