Friday, December 21, 2012
It Sucks...
I don't often bitch about my own life. Well, right now I'm tired enough to not care.
It sucks sometimes. Everything just sucks.
It sucks to have people lie to your face and then pretend like nothing has happened. It sucks to have your hopes lifted only to have them crushed again, and even worse to not even be surprised by it. To love someone who doesn't love you back. To put forth so much effort into keeping something you believe in alive only to find out the other person could care less. To be tossed aside while they smile and lie "we can still be friends".
It sucks to put your heart out there for someone after you've put in back together, to have them lead you on and then hook up with someone else. It sucks to have them look you in the eye and tell you that nothing's changed when everything has. To have to sit next to them almost everyday and force a smile like your heart isn't breaking. To have them complain about how hard their life is when someone denies their affections and fools around with other people. To sit there and try to feel sorry for them, and realize that you can't. To hate yourself for it.
It's sucks to feel worthless. When you wake up and look in the mirror and wonder why the person looking back at you matters. It sucks to feel scared and ashamed, because if no one has wanted to keep you up to this point, why would anyone want you? To feel like you can't help anyone and that they don't really trust you. To feel like you mean nothing because no one has shown you that you mean anything more.
Sometimes being alive sucks. It sucks to feel like you're forcing yourself forward, forcing smiles because you don't want anyone to worry. It sucks telling people that they need to care about themselves, and feeling like a hypocrite. It sucks not being able to tell anyone because every time you've ever been vulnerable, let someone in, you've been pushed away. To want nothing more than to cry and feel like you have to be strong instead. To want someone to hug you and tell you "it's okay to break down". To want someone who just understands.
It all just really sucks.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Constrictive Gender Roles
I came across this recently while lurking around Facebook:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/11/little-boy-sam-pink-shoes-preschool-photograph_n_2277397.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009
And the blog post that it is responding to:
http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/147885/mom_who_let_son_wear
It's about a little five year old boy who wore a pair of pink zebra print shoes to his first day of preschool. This kid has got my respect.
While Mary Fischer, the author of the cafemom.com post, is glad that this boy is expressing himself, she doesn't think that he should. Let's take a moment to wrap our minds around that. She afraid that by so blatantly stepping out of his gender role and wearing pink shoes to school he's inviting the criticism and bullying of others. I agree with her that there probably will be those who will go after this kid for what he wears. What I don't agree with is making it this little boys fault for wearing the shoes that he wants. Why are we concerned that he's doing something that makes him happy, and not about teaching our kids to be accepting of his right to express himself?
She goes on to say that if her six year old were to do the same thing he wouldn't make it through the bus ride without being taunted and "told him he was dressed like a girl". I have an issue with that sentence. We live in a society where we have "boy" and "girl" and god forbid you ever deviate from your prescribed gender role even for a moment because it will open you up for ridicule. Unless you're a girl, then it's okay to wear pants and act tough. Why are we picking on boys and stuffing them into this little box labeled "masculine" and telling them that if they so much as step out of it, for even a moment, they will be ridiculed and bullied or, heaven forbid, be told that they're gay? That worries me far more than a five year old boy wanting to wear pink shoes to school.
This is the society in which we find ourselves. We applaud boys who pick on those who are effeminate and not ideally masculine, we tell them that they're just "boys being boys" and condone their behavior, teach them that it's acceptable. Girls have broken out of their gender roles bit by bit, wearing pants and tee shirts and we look at them and say "wow, look how empowered she is". We look at a man who wears a dress or a skirt and say "wow, what a faggot". And the worst part, as a society, we are completely fine with this. We enforce it in our schools, workplaces, and, maybe worst of all, in our children. We teach girls to go out and be whoever they want to be and we teach boys to go out be good husbands, fathers, never look to feminine, never show too much emotion, never cry, and never be anything less than the perfect and completely unattainable image of a real man or they'll be worth nothing. If you aren't any of these things, for even a moment, you're ridiculed, mocked, and told that you are lower than dirt.
Why?
Please, someone, tell me why because I don't get it. I don't know why we'd go after a little boy who just wants to wear pink shoes to school and not the people who tell him it's wrong. I don't know why girls can wear blue, like hunting, and drive a truck without anyone batting an eyelash but boys who wear pink, like to shop or cook, and dress well are automatically vilified and harassed because as a society we have a problem with it and it's a problem we're not willing to address.
The people like this five year old boy who choose to express themselves aren't the problem, the problem is the people who tell him it's wrong.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/11/little-boy-sam-pink-shoes-preschool-photograph_n_2277397.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009
And the blog post that it is responding to:
http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/147885/mom_who_let_son_wear
It's about a little five year old boy who wore a pair of pink zebra print shoes to his first day of preschool. This kid has got my respect.
While Mary Fischer, the author of the cafemom.com post, is glad that this boy is expressing himself, she doesn't think that he should. Let's take a moment to wrap our minds around that. She afraid that by so blatantly stepping out of his gender role and wearing pink shoes to school he's inviting the criticism and bullying of others. I agree with her that there probably will be those who will go after this kid for what he wears. What I don't agree with is making it this little boys fault for wearing the shoes that he wants. Why are we concerned that he's doing something that makes him happy, and not about teaching our kids to be accepting of his right to express himself?
She goes on to say that if her six year old were to do the same thing he wouldn't make it through the bus ride without being taunted and "told him he was dressed like a girl". I have an issue with that sentence. We live in a society where we have "boy" and "girl" and god forbid you ever deviate from your prescribed gender role even for a moment because it will open you up for ridicule. Unless you're a girl, then it's okay to wear pants and act tough. Why are we picking on boys and stuffing them into this little box labeled "masculine" and telling them that if they so much as step out of it, for even a moment, they will be ridiculed and bullied or, heaven forbid, be told that they're gay? That worries me far more than a five year old boy wanting to wear pink shoes to school.
This is the society in which we find ourselves. We applaud boys who pick on those who are effeminate and not ideally masculine, we tell them that they're just "boys being boys" and condone their behavior, teach them that it's acceptable. Girls have broken out of their gender roles bit by bit, wearing pants and tee shirts and we look at them and say "wow, look how empowered she is". We look at a man who wears a dress or a skirt and say "wow, what a faggot". And the worst part, as a society, we are completely fine with this. We enforce it in our schools, workplaces, and, maybe worst of all, in our children. We teach girls to go out and be whoever they want to be and we teach boys to go out be good husbands, fathers, never look to feminine, never show too much emotion, never cry, and never be anything less than the perfect and completely unattainable image of a real man or they'll be worth nothing. If you aren't any of these things, for even a moment, you're ridiculed, mocked, and told that you are lower than dirt.
Why?
Please, someone, tell me why because I don't get it. I don't know why we'd go after a little boy who just wants to wear pink shoes to school and not the people who tell him it's wrong. I don't know why girls can wear blue, like hunting, and drive a truck without anyone batting an eyelash but boys who wear pink, like to shop or cook, and dress well are automatically vilified and harassed because as a society we have a problem with it and it's a problem we're not willing to address.
The people like this five year old boy who choose to express themselves aren't the problem, the problem is the people who tell him it's wrong.
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